Pearls in Your Pocket...

I was taught as a child to put the needs and feelings of others before my own. Not because I was weak, but because others needed me to be strong. If I went to someone’s house for dinner, for instance, I was expected to accept whatever was put before me with a smile and a thank you. And I was expected to eat it (at least some of it), even if it was chicken feet stew, or chitterlings, or some other concoction I didn’t recognize or like. (... and there was so much food back then I didn’t like, but all of it tastes real good to me, now. :-) I was expected to eat it and compliment the cook—to make her feel good; to take her feelings into account above my own. And, in fact, the Bible teaches this in Philippians 2:3 when it says, “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” And I guess this principle is what my parents were trying to teach me.

I also tried to pass this legacy of self-sacrifice and giving to my children, but they were having none of it. The harder I tried to teach my daughter to be a ‘ponytail girl’ and my son to be an Edwardian prince, the harder they bucked. Don’t get me wrong; they're fairly nice people, then and now. But both of them have a very firm grip on their own likes and dislikes--their own needs. And as I look at it, in retrospect, that’s a very good thing.

You see, Philippians 2:3 works well when you’re dealing with God-fearing, Bible-believing people. In a setting like that, everyone is trying to outdo the other with regard to showing each other deference, and love, and kindness, and esteem. Everyone is being blessed by the other; the circle of love is Spirited and complete. That’s why Christ gave us the church. But when you’re dealing with unbelievers, not so! And maybe that’s what my children knew that I did not. My mother even said to me one day, “Leave those children alone; you don’t know what or who they have to deal with in the course of the day.” Now, I thought that was quite odd coming from her, since it was she who  had badgered me incessantly as a child to put the needs of others before my own—to be a ‘ponytail girl’, in fact. (Thank God my dad taught me a few other things! :-)
But more to the point, Jesus, with His sweet self, has let us off the hook as it relates to dealing with the unbelievers among us (those who’ve not yet come to Christ and are not committed to following His ways).  In the one breath, Jesus says, “Judge not ....” (Matthew 7:1) In other words, He does not want us going around having the audacity to try to condemn others in their current state of unbelief; something that only He has the right and authority to do--in the fullness of time. But in the very next breath, Jesus says, “Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.” (Matthew 7:6)
Wow! There it is. If you are among believers, putting yourself last and deferring your own needs for others makes very good sense, because it will be eagerly reciprocated. But when you’re not, it might just be better to keep your pearls in your pocket. Unbelievers have a tendency to take kindness for weakness, instead of strength. The more you give, the more they’re apt to take, without seeking to give anything in return. That’s why it’s important to study the ‘whole Word’, because Jesus did not intend for us to be victims in this world. Love everyone—for sure! But putting your pearls out there—your feelings, your needs, your desires, yourself—to be trampled on is quite another matter. Know your people. And when wisdom dictates, know that it’s okay to keep your pearls in your pocket.   ~Much love! :jb